Love Times Infinity by Lane Clarke
Author:Lane Clarke [CLARKE, LANE]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Published: 2022-07-26T00:00:00+00:00
CHAPTER TWENTY
âDO YâALL EVER THINK ABOUT WHY WE GOTTA FEEL BAD about this stuff?â For a moment, I think Peterâs dug into my head and purged out my thoughts. But thereâs no way he knows I ruined things with Derek or my interview so fantastically. I havenât checked in with him about Monica since Open Mic Night. So now Iâm also the worst matchmaker alive.
Peter twists a paper clip into a straight line as he continues. âOur old men screw up, and we end up being the ones who feel like shit about it.â
âWell, Peter,â Dr. Schwartz says, âwhy do you gotta?â We all give a pathetic attempt at a chuckle.
âI canât not,â he says. âWhat would I say? Hey, Mom, sorry that guyâs a douche, but Iâm not him? When I have his face and his voice and his rage? I donât think so. Half the time, I donât even know why my mom told me. I wouldâve been better off not knowing.â
âDo you wish you didnât know?â she asks.
âI donât know. I mean, if I didnât, Iâd be cool with Scott because I wouldnât know Iâm not supposed to be. But then Iâd be cool with someone who did this sick thing to my mom. And that would hurt her a lot. And my family got a big mouth, yo. It wouldâve sucked to hear it from someone else. Mightâve made me think she was even more ashamed of me, hiding it.â
Itâs a weird thing, the truth. Itâs like we all wish we didnât know it, but if that were the case, there would be one vital unknown about ourselves. If it werenât for Grandma, I wouldnât know, but she felt I deserved an explanation after Reneeâs final words. Without the truth, Renee would hate me and I wouldnât know why. I may not like it, but at least with the truth in my arsenal, I understand it.
âHave any of you ever tried talking to your mothers about it? I mean beyond that initial conversation. Has anyone checked in, for lack of a better term?â Dr. Schwartz asks.
Han leans forward, his pointer fingers tapping against the pads of each of his other fingers. âMy mom came back once. When I was twelve. I saw her in a park. She was wearing a yellow sweater, the button-up kind. Her hair was short like mine, but prettier. She was pretty. My grandma, I remember she was angry. Sent her away. No one ever talked about it. They think I canât handle things. Sometimes they treat me like Iâm easy to break. But Iâm tough.â
âYou are tough,â Dr. Schwartz agrees.
âDid you want to talk to her?â Monica asks. âYour mother, do you wish you had talked to her?â
âNo,â Han says, leaning back again, his hands now loose but clutched tight to his sides.
âWhy not?â Monica asks.
Han shrugs. âBecause sheâs a stranger. And I donât like strangers.â
He says it like itâs such a simple thing. And maybe it is. I donât, didnât, want to see Renee, even though for the first time in a decade, she has made it a possibility again.
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